I took a couple of days off, my brain has been in a bit of a fog because of the barometric pressure changes. One of the many joys of having C.P. is that when weather patterns regularly change your. body. just. hurts. It was good for me to take a break from writing because when I am in physical pain my brain is not always so kind to me and I don’t think clearly. But today, I feel better, and I have this NEED to write. Any other writers out there ever feel that “NEED?”
In my “First Five” Devotions the focus has been on King David’s life after he becomes king of the united kingdom of Israel. In the last few days, the story has gone from David’s sin with Bathsheba (2 Samuel 11), to Nathan Confronting David about his sin (2 Samuel 12), to David’s daughter Tamar being raped (2 Samuel 13). All of this because of past and current events has stirred up so much emotion within me. At first, they were feelings of fear and depression, then God in His mercy; turned them to reminders of restoration.
You see, when I read 2 Samuel 11 and 12 I was reminded of my past relationship with M.E. For those of you who don’t know, he was a man I foolishly fell for about three years ago. Our relationship progressed too quickly, and despite the warnings that two women from my church tried to give me, I allowed events to occur that I thought would never happen. By the time I was able to get free of that relationship I was beaten down as a person. I felt like Tamar did in 2 Samuel 13:
Now she was wearing a long robe with sleeves, for thus were the virgin daughters of the king dressed. So his servant put her out and bolted the door after her. And Tamar put ashes on her head and tore the long robe that she wore. And she laid her hand on her head and went away, crying aloud as she went (vs. 18-19).
Because I felt like my situation was my fault I also felt like I deserved the same fate as Tamar: So Tamar lived, a desolate woman, in her brother Absalom’s house. (vs. 20b). But, last week, I had someone precious give me an amazing gift. He walked in a 3K for HAWC (Healing Abuse Working for Change) in my honor for surviving the abuse I had gone through with M.E. I may have made foolish decisions, but I did not ask M.E. to lie, I did not ask M.E. to control me, I did not ask M.E. to treat me like my body was for his pleasure alone, and I did not ask M.E. to psychologically, emotionally, and in the end physically abuse me. When the precious, amazing man walked in the HAWC walk to honor me for surviving, it finally clicked that it wasn’t my fault and that M.E.’s abuse was not my deserved punishment for foolishly falling for him. The action of honoring me in this way made me remember a passage in Ezekiel where God ultimately redeems and restores us:
I clothed you also with embroidered cloth and shod you with fine leather. I wrapped you in fine linen and covered you with silk. And I adorned you with ornaments and put bracelets on your wrists and a chain on your neck. And I put a ring on your nose and earrings in your ears and a beautiful crown on your head. Thus you were adorned with gold and silver, and your clothing was of fine linen and silk and embroidered cloth. You ate fine flour and honey and oil. You grew exceedingly beautiful and advanced to royalty. And your renown went forth among the nations because of your beauty, for it was perfect through the splendor that I had bestowed on you, declares the Lord God (Ezekiel 16:10-14).
My God has taken my torn robes, ashes, empty future and given me splendor and hope. He has redeemed and restored me.